Moments~Greenhill

...Sometimes in life you have those moments…the ones you sit back on, you stew on them, analyze them till your to the bone of the event. The moments in which you know is important, but can not seem to put your finger on why. The moments where you have no idea what the next step in life is, like the moment sweeps you away and you are hidden behind a blindfold and do not know where you will end up.
Life is full of little moments that just kill you…..moments that fill you with joy....moments that want to make you cry out in anger….moments that make you cry with gladness
Why are moments so important? Is it just little beads on a thread, individually they are small and may get lost, but pulled all together they become a beautiful piece of art.
I do not know why moments are so important, why they seem like all you have. They are means of communication, togetherness, and sharing. In a moment you create a bond with that person you shared it with, whether that person is some one you know or a complete stranger.
Moments seem to drain my mind; I do not know what to do with them. They weigh on me until I drop to the ground.
I have moments in my mind at this very moment, ones that leave their presence here even as I type.
Think about what happened just five minutes ago, the scene or event you are thinking about is a moment. Now I do not know whether or not it is important. What I do know, no matter how small it is, it made an impact on your life!

I feel: rage, anger, joy, passion, sad, depressed, fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, quite, calm, reserved, love, concern, jealousy, lonely, lost, found, weak, strong, hungry, thirst, hot, pain, sorrow, grief, happy, tired, content, hopeful, doubtful, encouraged, scared, saved, and many more…..

I want to cry, just to release these feeling, but it is all wrong. I do not know where or when to do it. I do not know who can be there and who can not. By the time I figure it out, I have no energy to.

I want to sleep till this is all done. I want to sleep when I know I do not want to cry. I want to sleep to gain energy….

Time can only tell what will happen….

Moments will keep coming, I will keep being overwhelmed, I will feel a lot of things, but I know I can do this. Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary pure and holy, tide and true, with thanksgiving I’ll be a living sanctuary for you!

Oh my word~Craziness

Oh my word~ Craziness
I am in Northern Ireland, and what do I think….hum? Well, I don’t really know. I think about some things, some of the time. But not everything all of the time! Clear as mud, eh?
…Sorry, I am ok…I think. I really like where I am living, except it gets cold sometimes. But it is so beautiful. We have a huge window in the living room and it looks out unto the coast..ahhh. I love just sitting there and watching the waves. Behind us the view only gets better, there are mountains. When we go up to work at the camp, we walk up part of the tallest mountain in Northern Ireland. It’s not hard to find something to thank God for everyday. Even the cloudy-ness looks mystique!
The people I live with are from all over….so I get an international experience while sitting at the table. Amazing!!! I really enjoy the people. I haven’t made any really close friends, but it has only been a bit over a week, and they are much older than me…well not so much older than me, but just enough I feel little.
The camp we are working at deals mainly with outdoor education. My team’s tasks though are to mainly deal with secretarial work, EBay fundraising, and organizing the concession stand. We have some outdoor things, but not a lot. This isn’t so bad because I like some things, but I am not really good at a lot. So I am excited about the work they described to us. The beginning is a little slow, but as soon as we get going…it will be work work work all the time!
I am really excited about all the growth in the faith and spiritual aspect of the camp!!! God is going to do some incredible things. There is a committee of people all excited, and some other volunteers, staff, and we are key links to getting it kicked off! There are so many different directions to take on it. I am really excited to get involved!!!
It is really cold here already, but it is okay I like cold. I mean I can get warmed up easy…he he he, just kidding. It is fine, I have tons of layers. I just hope the heat works through out Christmas.
That reminds me, we still have no finalized details about next month. That has me kind of anxious because it will be weird being in this big house with out any one except Jon, Kevin, and I. I don’t know though…I think I am already not looking forward to Christmas.
I have been reading a lot lately as well, since we have some down time. I finished The Difference Maker, The Bell Jar, and I am working on God, Sex, and Generation X. They are all very good. They make me think, which I don’t always like, but it is good…ish
I miss people already…is that bad? I am kind of sad that I feel this way already. I don’t know. This part is the most confusing. Well, to be honest a lot of things are confusing but not to worry God will guide me. Even though I feel lost and like crap a bit, I know God has me so I need to work on getting closer to him.
Please pray for the team, the camp, the volunteers, the staff, and me…..
I will end with a passage from the book I am reading now:
“Some claim that we are closer to God in a garden than anywhere else on earth, but in the mystery of human relationships we come closer to God than is possible in even the most sublime scene of natural beauty.”