So hey everyone!
Yeah yesturday was the start of 8 months...or so we thought...he he he. We got to the airport and found out our plane was delayed! We got on about 640. We arrived in Newark, NJ just in time to wave goodbye to our plane leaving for Belfast. So we went to the ticket counter, and the best they could do is put us on standby for a 925 pm flight! he he he. So they gave us a hotel voucher and food vouchers! So we good....
But I was thinking about things. We had everything planned out. We had all the little details figured out, but then God said um...hold it I got a plan. It is amazing how God is just...the boss. I love it, sometimes. he he he. Other times I am "grr...can't this just work!!!" he he he. But they main thing isn't what is happening and not happening in YOUR plans. It is your attitude and your response to GOD's plans!
-Amen~~~
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Oh snap...do you want a freaking idea?
So I have not written in a long time, I am so sorry! My bad: I will give you highlights of what happened from Oct. 2nd till now and then bring you to the present thoughts.
~Jon's Mom came....loved her
~ Mr. Dell H. came-he is so freaking cool!
~got my nosed pierced
~Finished Blue Like Jazz- Thought it was really good. I enjoyed someone else's perspective..so now I don't feel wierd admiting things now.
~Kevin had a minor surgery, but is fine and doing good. Took him and brought him from the airport.
~Service assignments went well. Finished 8 rooms in total. Franky and the administration gave us tons of food.
~Jon, Melina, Rachel, and I helped put ghost up at Bishop Conway's place.
~Some fights.
~Figured out we are going to Northern Ireland!!!1 HAVE A FREAKING IDEA!
~Good convos!
~Amazing hospitality meals!
~Learned about Anabaptist history.
~Helped Krista move.
~Found out I did not have all my money.
~Stressed just a tad.
~Went to the hospital-ok promise.
~Let someone freak me out...when I should have been stronger.
~Strongly pushed to take baby steps....
~Greektown.
~Commisioning service....
And now I am home. It is Wed. and I leave Friday for Ireland!Sunday I talked at church and saw my grandparents. That was hard because I don't get to see them as much as I should. Grandpa will probably not remember me when I get back. And Grandma was sad it was such a long time. Monday went shopping with mom for stuff and saw ex-co-workers, and then went to spend the night with BFF Ali!! Tuesday went out to lunch with some good friends. Today I went to school...it was odd because I miss them so much and it was just a hi and goodbye thing!
I am freaking a bit...8 months... but it will be ok. I am also excited!!! I will write thinking later....
Monday, October 1, 2007
Compassion
Twice in one day...man, crazyiness!!
Today I finished the book my chior teacher gave me: Women on the Front Lines Series; Compassion.
It was a very good book. I loved learning about women who stood up for the love they had in their hearts. A lot of it was focused on service to poor and sick. It was hard to relate to these women some of the time though because they where from the past, and delt with different times and cultures. But it was still so encouraging to read about sticking up for even faith.
I learned a lot about being compassionate to people. Learing to be out of my comfort zone is needed. Dieing mentally, emotionally, and spiritualy is needed to completely allow God's love and compassion in you, and therfore flow through you.
Tears- are really important. Tears move people, heal people, show people love...which brings me to there has to be love in compassion~compassion is a language of love that know no limits! Mother Teresa said something that touched me, 'you have to see Jesus in every person you meet' >WOW what a statement. I am going to strive for that! How amazing would it be to see Jesus every where you go????
Forgivness is a strong component in compassion. You must be willing to think of the now and future and not focus on the past. I feel like our world today hinders us from looking at the past.
Compassion must be personal. It has to be more than feelings but also actions.
Again the most important aspect of compassion is~LOVE!!! Jesus' cross is a cross of compassion and love!
On my discussion of the book and topic of compassion I leave you with two items-
"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love" (Gal. 5:6)
and
"So let us open our heats wide to love. Love is the mightest thing in the world. Love makes us to love and to do. God is love. I can do all things through Love which strengthen me." -Amy Carmichael, 1867-1951
On another note- One of my tema members had to leave on Sunday. It was sad to see him go but he is coming back....so its all good. I just am worried...I am a worry-ier. But I trust God..
Today was a tough-y. My mood went up and down, but I mean it went out good. The day ended ..well is going on right now-girl talk. Plus just great friends that are not girls, or not here!
I have a prayer to end this blog:
Dear Lord,
Thank you Father for given me this day. Thank you for the joys and the blessing, thank you for being in my heart and caring me in hard times. Thank you for the people and events you have been placeing in my heart. God, I pray that you fill me with this love and passion you went the world to know!!! Set my heart on fire God. I just pray you open my eyes to the people and seeing you in them. I give you my troubles Lord. Please be with all the concerns on my heart...
I love you with all my heart and am open to your will.
In your name we pray~
Amen
God bless
and love you all ~ go out in passionate compassion!
Today I finished the book my chior teacher gave me: Women on the Front Lines Series; Compassion.
It was a very good book. I loved learning about women who stood up for the love they had in their hearts. A lot of it was focused on service to poor and sick. It was hard to relate to these women some of the time though because they where from the past, and delt with different times and cultures. But it was still so encouraging to read about sticking up for even faith.
I learned a lot about being compassionate to people. Learing to be out of my comfort zone is needed. Dieing mentally, emotionally, and spiritualy is needed to completely allow God's love and compassion in you, and therfore flow through you.
Tears- are really important. Tears move people, heal people, show people love...which brings me to there has to be love in compassion~compassion is a language of love that know no limits! Mother Teresa said something that touched me, 'you have to see Jesus in every person you meet' >WOW what a statement. I am going to strive for that! How amazing would it be to see Jesus every where you go????
Forgivness is a strong component in compassion. You must be willing to think of the now and future and not focus on the past. I feel like our world today hinders us from looking at the past.
Compassion must be personal. It has to be more than feelings but also actions.
Again the most important aspect of compassion is~LOVE!!! Jesus' cross is a cross of compassion and love!
On my discussion of the book and topic of compassion I leave you with two items-
"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love" (Gal. 5:6)
and
"So let us open our heats wide to love. Love is the mightest thing in the world. Love makes us to love and to do. God is love. I can do all things through Love which strengthen me." -Amy Carmichael, 1867-1951
On another note- One of my tema members had to leave on Sunday. It was sad to see him go but he is coming back....so its all good. I just am worried...I am a worry-ier. But I trust God..
Today was a tough-y. My mood went up and down, but I mean it went out good. The day ended ..well is going on right now-girl talk. Plus just great friends that are not girls, or not here!
I have a prayer to end this blog:
Dear Lord,
Thank you Father for given me this day. Thank you for the joys and the blessing, thank you for being in my heart and caring me in hard times. Thank you for the people and events you have been placeing in my heart. God, I pray that you fill me with this love and passion you went the world to know!!! Set my heart on fire God. I just pray you open my eyes to the people and seeing you in them. I give you my troubles Lord. Please be with all the concerns on my heart...
I love you with all my heart and am open to your will.
In your name we pray~
Amen
God bless
and love you all ~ go out in passionate compassion!
Walls....
hey you,
I have started missing people really man. Just little things. Hugging Caleb in publications everyday. Seeing people in band. Going to work and haveing fun makeing subs. Just all around...oh and Ali....miss her like crazy. Teachers...yeah, I miss just the presence of teachers.
But its all good. Jon's mom came Friday night. We had a really good time. Plus she taught us a lot about what is happening in Israel and Palestine. There is many things that I didn't realize where going on! For one thing the wall, there is a wall going up and makeing life very difficult.
I started thinking about this wall...
Walls just are so negative. When we think of homes, we don't think of the walls...But there are some, but when it is just one wall, or the wall- there is a negative conotation to it. Walls in our minds, hearts, physical walls-Berlin, walls in our bodies that harm our health, walls between peoples. We need to break all sorts of walls- but some walls are just so hard- incrusted with pretty looking diamonds, but those pretty looking diamonds hide the fact that they are actually makeing it harder to knock it down. The thought of a wall as good- makes it harder to break down. It is a denial that this wall is blocking something and needs to be changed....
Well just thought I would just jot down some thoughts- I gotta go to class, but will write more later.
Luv you all!
I have started missing people really man. Just little things. Hugging Caleb in publications everyday. Seeing people in band. Going to work and haveing fun makeing subs. Just all around...oh and Ali....miss her like crazy. Teachers...yeah, I miss just the presence of teachers.
But its all good. Jon's mom came Friday night. We had a really good time. Plus she taught us a lot about what is happening in Israel and Palestine. There is many things that I didn't realize where going on! For one thing the wall, there is a wall going up and makeing life very difficult.
I started thinking about this wall...
Walls just are so negative. When we think of homes, we don't think of the walls...But there are some, but when it is just one wall, or the wall- there is a negative conotation to it. Walls in our minds, hearts, physical walls-Berlin, walls in our bodies that harm our health, walls between peoples. We need to break all sorts of walls- but some walls are just so hard- incrusted with pretty looking diamonds, but those pretty looking diamonds hide the fact that they are actually makeing it harder to knock it down. The thought of a wall as good- makes it harder to break down. It is a denial that this wall is blocking something and needs to be changed....
Well just thought I would just jot down some thoughts- I gotta go to class, but will write more later.
Luv you all!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Oh so much muscle yet so tired....he he he
So what up?
he he he, My service assignment partner, Karin and I have been working hard these past few weeks. We have been striping.......THE FLOORS. Oh snap. he he he, but seriously we have been takeing the wax of floors and re-waxing them, but first the resident currently living in the room has to be moved into another room...which means a lot of moving.
It is a lot of hard work, but I love seeing the dirty floors get clean, plus since last week, Bishop Conway Residence has gotten a new buffer machine!!! he he he. Oh on down time we get to hang out with all the cool people there!! The two women in the picture, I play cards with after lunch. Marylou also danced with me!!!
Also the lovely lady in this picture, plays dominos with us sometimes, and she cracks me up!! he he he, she always has something funny to say. She also like to salsa dance!!! he he he
But I really really enjoy working there. I feel like there is something getting accomplished! But thats not the only thing ....
these woman ...and a few males are so cool. Some are very strong in their faith. It is so awesome to hear there stories, and just be with them. Plus our supervisors and other staff memebers are like a family. One woman sees us sometimes on the bus, but anyhoo, she is just so amazing! Wow .....
This week I am trying to focus on God's love. It is really hard sometimes...ya know feeling like I deserve it. I don't I am a sinner...and some other stuff goes in my head. But God gives it to us freely.....because he loves us. He gives us his love because he loves us! he he he isn't that an odd but such a true statement!
I am so glad for peeps around me, and some at a certain Ohio college which starts with and H. he he he....I love Ali so much.
But get this...I have been in the mood for some Mango Sorbet!!! he hehe, wow. You know what, I really want some jamba juice...he he he. Sorry silliness... Oh man. But hey I am also working on a small video of whats been going on. I hope to have it done soon!
Hey have an awesome week..
I am working on a book on Compassion and then on to Blue Like Jazz. he he he...oh and something elses has changed....can any guess.
God bless
Luv,
Caitlyn
Monday, September 24, 2007
Thinking is hard sometimes!
Hey peeps,
Wow, thanks for some of the feedback I have gotten on my last blog. I feel very supported in my walk with Christ. I am still working --but hey, who isn't right?
I recently finished When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Wow, what an amazing book!!! At first it seemed so dim...but then it gave a light at the end. There was a chapter about the book of Job and another somewhat looking at the Creation story and Adam and Eve. I have never looked at the stories in that way before...Job as a fable, because who could be so good? But there was so much more to that story that I didn't know about!! And in the Creation story, I have never caught where it says "Then God said 'Let us make man in our image, in ourlikeness and let them ful over..." Genesis 1:26. God made man in his image yes, but also in the image of animal. Yet, there is a clear distinction between animal and man. Man has the ability to make choices and not have to "follow nature's order of life," we can love, we can chose to do something right, or something wrong. And that ability of choices are why bad things happen from humans to humans. Since we have the ability to chose then we have the ability to chose the wrong way. Now with nature occurences, happen because God created this world and nature, and nature and weather sometimes just takes its course. This s not God's blame, but he can help. I believe nature takes its course and people sometimes chose to do wrong, and God isn't to blame, but with him we can make it good. "It is what we do as a result of what bad happened to us" that really matters.
If and when we ask God for help, he is there!
I gotta go for class now, but I will write more later! Have a fantastic day!!!
God bless
Luv
Caitlyn
Wow, thanks for some of the feedback I have gotten on my last blog. I feel very supported in my walk with Christ. I am still working --but hey, who isn't right?
I recently finished When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Wow, what an amazing book!!! At first it seemed so dim...but then it gave a light at the end. There was a chapter about the book of Job and another somewhat looking at the Creation story and Adam and Eve. I have never looked at the stories in that way before...Job as a fable, because who could be so good? But there was so much more to that story that I didn't know about!! And in the Creation story, I have never caught where it says "Then God said 'Let us make man in our image, in ourlikeness and let them ful over..." Genesis 1:26. God made man in his image yes, but also in the image of animal. Yet, there is a clear distinction between animal and man. Man has the ability to make choices and not have to "follow nature's order of life," we can love, we can chose to do something right, or something wrong. And that ability of choices are why bad things happen from humans to humans. Since we have the ability to chose then we have the ability to chose the wrong way. Now with nature occurences, happen because God created this world and nature, and nature and weather sometimes just takes its course. This s not God's blame, but he can help. I believe nature takes its course and people sometimes chose to do wrong, and God isn't to blame, but with him we can make it good. "It is what we do as a result of what bad happened to us" that really matters.
If and when we ask God for help, he is there!
I gotta go for class now, but I will write more later! Have a fantastic day!!!
God bless
Luv
Caitlyn
Friday, September 21, 2007
The truth.....
Lately I have been torn. I have already open up so much, and the vulnerability hurt, the lack of my walls or barriers have left me unable to control my emotions as well as before. But since I have open up and shared my testimony I feel I am not myself, or I am always on the guard to protect others from my feelings. Does that make any sense?
I feel a lot. There is no other way of putting it. When I feel, I feel all the way, through and through. When I express my feelings, the deepness of where those feelings come from tends to show me as overwhelming to some.
In this sense I am sorry to any I have offended. I do not mean to be too intense for anyone. But then again sometimes I give my all in emotional situations, but have the invitation to stop engulfing someone with “my love” (now you maybe wondering why I have but parenthesizes around my love, well, that topic is soon coming!). I hurt when I receive such an invitations! No matter how small, or large these coincidences maybe, it is offensive to me that someone would ask me to lower my emotional outpour.
I love people, and some people are extremely close to my heart. Not that I don’t care and love everyone, there are some people who have impacted my life in ways which draws me close to them in spirit. Let me give this quick side note, if any feels they have not received this love or emotional out powering I am talking about, please contact me. I would hate for you to not know I love you….and let me tell you why!
I do not feel I deserve love (OH MY GASP!!!). I have a self-esteem deficiency, for lack of a better word. Many would know, I absolutely hate-hate the way I look. There for why does someone as ugly and fat as I deserve any love (this is why showing others my love for them is important, to make up for the negative I don’t deserve). I know full well this is untrue, but it is something I have held onto …since I can remember. Something at the Mennonite Youth Convention this year struck me, “How can I expect God to love me, when I don’t even love myself?” Wow, what a statement. I did believe that for sometime! But since a turning point my junior year in high school, I know God loves me…I just hurt him. I know I hurt and make God depressed when I pray to him my feelings of hatred upon myself. Why can’t I just understand God made me, the fat, ugly, silly, stupid person I believe to be….and he loves me? I don’t know, that is still one I am working on, but I do know he loves me, which is at least a step.
Knowing he loves me has driven me. I want to care for people. I want to be ‘Auntie Caitlyn’ to everyone who may need an ‘Auntie Caitlyn.’ Sometimes I may be to overbearing in my desire to help or care for you, but I am not fake in it at all. I really care about you!!! It gives me great joy to “love on someone.” He he he, that doesn’t sound right, but I mean making a fuss over someone. Really, I enjoy caring for others, but it is not just love that is already in me. God puts love in my heart, and it is a duty and a JOY to share it with others.
God has put so much love in my heart. I would burst if I didn’t share it with other people! He he he, so why then would any one in their right mind ask me to stop spreading love? See, that’s what I don’t know. I do know that respecting personal boundaries, physically and emotionally, have something to do with it. But it is hard for me to understand that completely. This past summer I have had to work on both, but I still have been able to be myself. Lately having limits on my outpouring of love seems to me, asking me to stop being me.
It probably isn’t, but then again hurting clogs my emotional processing. Not that I am making excuses, I just don’t know sometimes how to get past the hurt.
So for now, I have to work on it. Coming into this year, starting RAD, I knew God was going to show me a lot about love. This is not what I expected, but then again God is not able to be pinned down.
Right now I am working on emotions, and love…
Love is so deep for me and so important, actually one of the most important things, including faith and hope! He he he, Bible verse! Oh snap.
But seriously, I thought I would actually update you on what is going on besides my physical doings in Chicago …which I still will keep doing!
I will leave you with a quote from a book I just finished less than 3 hours ago…and still processing (so next time I write guess what it will be on!).
From When Bad Things Happen to Good People –by Harold S. Kushner
“…love is the one thing no one, not even God can command. It is a free gift, or it is nothing. And it is most itself, most free, when it is offered in spite of suffering, of in justice, and of death.’ We do not love God because he is perfect. We do not love him because He protects us from all harm and keeps evil things from happening to us. We do not love him because we are afraid of Him, or because He will hurt us if we turn our back on Him. We love Him because He is God, because He is the author of all the beauty and the order around us, the source of our strength and the hope and courage with which we are helped in our time of need. We love Him because he is the best part of ourselves and of our world. That is what it means to love. Love is not the admiration of perfection, but the acceptance of an imperfect person with all his imperfections, because loving and accepting him makes us better and stronger.”
God bless
Luv,
Caitlyn
P.S. Before I posted this I had some people read it. I got mixed feelings from it. I am going to blog it...its me. I am here now! Um, but rememeber I am working on these feelings!
I feel a lot. There is no other way of putting it. When I feel, I feel all the way, through and through. When I express my feelings, the deepness of where those feelings come from tends to show me as overwhelming to some.
In this sense I am sorry to any I have offended. I do not mean to be too intense for anyone. But then again sometimes I give my all in emotional situations, but have the invitation to stop engulfing someone with “my love” (now you maybe wondering why I have but parenthesizes around my love, well, that topic is soon coming!). I hurt when I receive such an invitations! No matter how small, or large these coincidences maybe, it is offensive to me that someone would ask me to lower my emotional outpour.
I love people, and some people are extremely close to my heart. Not that I don’t care and love everyone, there are some people who have impacted my life in ways which draws me close to them in spirit. Let me give this quick side note, if any feels they have not received this love or emotional out powering I am talking about, please contact me. I would hate for you to not know I love you….and let me tell you why!
I do not feel I deserve love (OH MY GASP!!!). I have a self-esteem deficiency, for lack of a better word. Many would know, I absolutely hate-hate the way I look. There for why does someone as ugly and fat as I deserve any love (this is why showing others my love for them is important, to make up for the negative I don’t deserve). I know full well this is untrue, but it is something I have held onto …since I can remember. Something at the Mennonite Youth Convention this year struck me, “How can I expect God to love me, when I don’t even love myself?” Wow, what a statement. I did believe that for sometime! But since a turning point my junior year in high school, I know God loves me…I just hurt him. I know I hurt and make God depressed when I pray to him my feelings of hatred upon myself. Why can’t I just understand God made me, the fat, ugly, silly, stupid person I believe to be….and he loves me? I don’t know, that is still one I am working on, but I do know he loves me, which is at least a step.
Knowing he loves me has driven me. I want to care for people. I want to be ‘Auntie Caitlyn’ to everyone who may need an ‘Auntie Caitlyn.’ Sometimes I may be to overbearing in my desire to help or care for you, but I am not fake in it at all. I really care about you!!! It gives me great joy to “love on someone.” He he he, that doesn’t sound right, but I mean making a fuss over someone. Really, I enjoy caring for others, but it is not just love that is already in me. God puts love in my heart, and it is a duty and a JOY to share it with others.
God has put so much love in my heart. I would burst if I didn’t share it with other people! He he he, so why then would any one in their right mind ask me to stop spreading love? See, that’s what I don’t know. I do know that respecting personal boundaries, physically and emotionally, have something to do with it. But it is hard for me to understand that completely. This past summer I have had to work on both, but I still have been able to be myself. Lately having limits on my outpouring of love seems to me, asking me to stop being me.
It probably isn’t, but then again hurting clogs my emotional processing. Not that I am making excuses, I just don’t know sometimes how to get past the hurt.
So for now, I have to work on it. Coming into this year, starting RAD, I knew God was going to show me a lot about love. This is not what I expected, but then again God is not able to be pinned down.
Right now I am working on emotions, and love…
Love is so deep for me and so important, actually one of the most important things, including faith and hope! He he he, Bible verse! Oh snap.
But seriously, I thought I would actually update you on what is going on besides my physical doings in Chicago …which I still will keep doing!
I will leave you with a quote from a book I just finished less than 3 hours ago…and still processing (so next time I write guess what it will be on!).
From When Bad Things Happen to Good People –by Harold S. Kushner
“…love is the one thing no one, not even God can command. It is a free gift, or it is nothing. And it is most itself, most free, when it is offered in spite of suffering, of in justice, and of death.’ We do not love God because he is perfect. We do not love him because He protects us from all harm and keeps evil things from happening to us. We do not love him because we are afraid of Him, or because He will hurt us if we turn our back on Him. We love Him because He is God, because He is the author of all the beauty and the order around us, the source of our strength and the hope and courage with which we are helped in our time of need. We love Him because he is the best part of ourselves and of our world. That is what it means to love. Love is not the admiration of perfection, but the acceptance of an imperfect person with all his imperfections, because loving and accepting him makes us better and stronger.”
God bless
Luv,
Caitlyn
P.S. Before I posted this I had some people read it. I got mixed feelings from it. I am going to blog it...its me. I am here now! Um, but rememeber I am working on these feelings!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
