Suprise, suprise!!!

Why hello again,

Let me tell ya...this week has been absolutely crazy!!! No lie. Monday we shared our life stories, and I was really freaked out. I loved learning about people, I respected their vulnarablity so much. I appreciate them a whole bunch, not that I didn't before, but this just took it to a whole new level! I went last...I cried before I even said anything so you know it wasn't going to end ...dry!

I let it all out, and they did not shun me, so I felt tons better. They all hugged me, and was very loveing...I aprreciated that so freaking much! Afterwards, we were a very strong group, but not going to lie, I felt very empty from letting me out so much. I hate burdening other people, so it was even harder because when I let it all..I can't take it back. I let down a wall that I keep up so that I can hold it all in and take on other people's burdens with out giveing out any of my own, but now that wall is gone. So it took till today (Friday) to feel ...better, or just able to handle my emotions. But it's all good!

On Tuesday, I got a shocker...not going to Sweden! Yeah we (the Sweden team) found out that the visas for Sweden take 6-8 months to get...obviously we do not have that kind of time! So we had no idea where we were going...our phrase for the next couple days was..."We have no freakin' idea!!!!" he he he. That was just our way of handeling the news. I personally just was freaked out. I did not want to think about it to, to much, but not knowing yout future at all is very scary. So then we had a lunch with Orlando, the pastor from the First Brethren Church next door. In the afternoon, I went shopping with Jon. He was so funny, he acted like a little kid, wanting all the cool drinks and stuff. When we put all the groceries away, 6 of us went to do laundry....then we just chilaxed.

Wednesday, we all were running late. I didn't even have time to make coffee!!! OH NO! he he he, but first we went to a Priest's house and I scrubbed two bathrooms with my buddy..Rachel!! It was great to have that feeling of acomplishment, it kept my mind off other things. I was thinking about coffee the whole time though!!Oh coffee how I love you... Father Bill and his assistant bought us pizza for lunch. Then we made our way to GCFD (Greater Chicago Food Depository), but not before we stopped at a starbucks....woop woop! At GCFD we packaged up bread in boxes. It was crazy, but again I liked doing it because it kept my mind off stuff. We had tons of fun throwing tons of bread...if you have facebook I have a clip of the exact amount of bread. Then we went home, I let my guard down. It was a yucky night for me, but luckily my RAD group is freaking fantastic, and they comforted me a lot. I stayed up till midnight, because Thursday was Rachel's bday. I woke her up at midnight, and yelled happy bday to her, then we sang. She was so freaked out, but it was fun!!!

Thursday morning we went around to 4 different spots in the city and we journaled on a Psalm. I was in a funky mood because I was thinking about my friend. But I found out it was okay to be in a sad mood. Talk more about that in a bit...don't wanna lose my train of thought. So after we were finished with the 4th stop, Krista took all of us out for Rachel's bday. Amy and I got her flowers, and I took some photos of her...she looks like a model!!! After lunch we went home for a bit, but then left pretty soon afterwards to go help Children of Abuse. We all had to put on these bright orange vest and carry around a boot on a street cornor to try to help them. We raised a good bit of money. It was fun, but also exahusting. The boys and I came home to fix dinner. I wanted to make a cake for Rachel, but the BBQ just made it a disater. It seemed everything was going wrong!!! I mean, it was ok. Nothing to terrible, and we still ate, but agh! So I talked to Ali on the phone again, which helped a butt load.

On Friday it was a lot better. Karin and I went to our service assignment at a reiterment center. We got on the wrong bus, but once we figured it out it was fine. he he he, oh man! I love all the people at the building, I can't wait to start working there!! After we were done at noon, we went downtown so I could get my brother a bday present and mail some packages. We went and ate at this super delicious pizza place amazin!!! The postoffice line was to long so we came home. At home, I feel asleep at my laptop I was so exahusted. I woke up 2.5 hours later in my bed...he he he. Then Amy and I cooked dinner. It turned out really well for some one half asleep. We were all so giddy and stuff when we woke up for dinner. Last night we all went to bed early.

Today I have to finish up some projects, bake Rachel a cake, send out some letters and packages, buy some stuff, and then I am going to the German American fest! Tommrow it is church and the soccer game!!! Oh man I am so excited.

This week has been so emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. I put myself out there so much, it hurt a bit. But I found a group of people who care for me and will but up with my stupidity. he he he. Emotions and hard work just built up, and I am glad to start another day.

'Although I may weep tonight, Joy will come in the morning!' God is with me, and he allows me to sad. I am so grateful for not haveing to act fake happy all the time...it is hard, but God wants me to be real. I think he has given me the people I need to keep me strong. Hugs from Kevin, talks with the girls, shaveing parties, coffee, music, realness...these things all allow me to be ...me, happy me. But also sad me, because life isn't always going to be one big joy ride, sadness and darkness is a part of it as well. I know that God is with me and holds me in his arms, and he will fill my emptiness. I think this year God is going to show me a lot about love....I can't wait.

I hope you all have a REAL week, and I am here for you....