Today in the office, we have the window open. A light breeze comes in along with the birds singing, kids playing, and builders working away. If I listen closely the sea maybe heard ever so softly.
Breathing in this atmosphere should be easy. Life’s troubles and quarries should be far from my mind.
On my face you see a smile-a true one at that. My eyes are alive, although a wee bit droopy because of a late night. Yet something, something is not right.
In my head you can hear words of praise and worship to my amazing Father, thanking him for everything in my life, loving him, and finding his wisdom and strength planted inside me.
I feel joyous, yet something inside me tugs at my heart and says this is wrong. What right do I have to feel happy? Why should I like the way I look? I need to be worried about life! I don’t have any idea of what is going to happen next year!
Is it ok to feel to extremes at once? Am I a normal 18 year old, or going a wee bit loopy?
God has taught me much this year so far- and I still have more than 3 months to go!
Letting people, but more importantly letting GOD love me.
Finding my strength in the Lord.
Learning why God puts certain people in my life.
How to stick up for what I believe in.
Knowing there are dark times and times of trial, but God is never gone from my heart. I just need to call upon him and rest fully in his arms.
Finding the little things to be thankful for (ex. The spray of the sea in the morning.)
Letting God have all of me.
I am far from completing these, but God is helping me.
I know what I feel is part of my chronic depression, and also of Satan pushing my buttons.
I get so tired of trying sometimes- but I know I can do this. I know I can live life.
I love you all so very much.God bless
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Hi C -
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like God is indeed working! I hope things are going well.